i just lost my fone.
we just lost the fest.
all those wasted nights..all the sweat..the tears..the drama..and we just fuckin lost.
masakit eh. pero wala.its good that its over. everything that's happened, pwede ng isulat sa papel at sunugin..isama na ang memories sa ash na ipapalipad sa hangin o ikakalat sa pasig river..(heck..)
masakit talaga. maganda lang dun, naitayo ng bj2-2 ang bandera. they cheered us when we were announced as third placers sa music.kahit na pinaghinalaan namen sila days before of trying to copy our season of love thingee.in return we cheered them everytime they won.lalo na sa over all.
there's no crying over spilt milk.
so i sucked at lit.di ko masabi if i intentionally dropped the freakin fan or what.kase nga diba i couldnt cope up.bakit kase pag nawawala ako sa practice eh may mahlagang nagaganap?lumalabas tuloy noon na ang sama ko kase nga un.walang pakisama or what.fuck.
hmm.
nun din one time,i had to skip music practice.kinabukasan,d na ako soloist.not that kinimkim ko yun.i dont.i admit nahirapan ako.pero.hay basta.
ewan ah.i kinda felt na were gonna lose days before the fest.
i remember telling aiko,that was ata when i stayed up til the wee hours of the morning just writing this story ulet. bigla my heart gave a deathly lurch.i knew na its not good talaga.eh that time yung fest ang pinaguusapan namen ni paula rae.i hate that feeling.alam ko kase kung ano ibig sabihin nun.i felt that before,nung natalo sila kuya sa musiklaban.before the results noon were announced,gusto ng sumabog ng dibdib ko.parang my marching band sa loob.
i cried nga kanina eh.before sumalang ang dance.i couldnt stop it. weah,part of it,i was really fuckedsad kase angel's mom was there,paula's mom and dad din was there,ayay's sister.
ano ako orphan?
ive been performing since first year. and ni isa dun,wala pa napapanood nanay ko.kuya ko,nung champiionship and the regional ng musiclaban before,kahit slaman yun and stuff,pumunta sha.my sister?she's not much of a performer eh.haha.
pero diba,its sad.i thought kanina,ayoko nga talaga silang papanoorin.there's this conversation in my head that i prepared if angel asked me about that.
Angel: eh bakit ba hindi mo sila papuntahin?
Jam: hmm..haha,baka malaman nila na im good.di na nila ako pipigilan.wala ng thrill.
--
kaya i just couldnt make the tears stop from falling. i managed to stop it na sniffles na lang eh,pero they noticed me crying.lalo ako naiyak.i dont know why do i always want to be made pilit pa kahit gusto ko ng gawin.ang immature.
i wasnt nervous.i was just sad.naawa ako sa sarili ko.tapos that deadly feeling creeps inside pa.it burns.masakit yung pagthump ng heart ko everytime it beats.i wondered noon how to make it just stop beating.kaya nilabas ko nalang sa sayaw.sayaw na parang walang bukas.kanta na parang walang bukas.
nawala na nga ng tuluyan tuloy ang bukas para sa bj2-1.
sa kalagitnaan ng mga practice,bigla na lang din ako tinatamaan ng kalungkutan.alam ko ang mga dahilan,for a change.malungkot.di ko alam na sign pala yun.
lungkot.wala ako masabihan.ayoko magsabi.hindi ko kase alam kung may panahon pa ba sila makinig saken.
buti na lang talaga tapos na.
ganun talaga ang buhay eh.
di ko alam kung saan isisingit.last night,before the fest,i had a row with my mo.hmm.its all weird.thats why din i cried.
eto,tignan mo,kelan mo ko ipagmamalaki?
--
nawala fone ko.oo.ang hirap pala no.yung pinipilit kong isipin kung anong nangyare pero para lang isang black cloth yung utak ko.salamat kela pau.
haberday pala kay she.im sorry sa cake,di kita natikman.wala talaga ako sa mood kumaen.
kung sino mang kasama ng fone ko ngayon,di ka ba nahahabag?weird.
im half dead.
- vampire movies are great
-
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zhumzhum- March 27th, 2007
