zhumzhum

i broke my glasses and everytime im trying to read or write, i get this dull ache in the middle of my eyes.

so the week is coming to its end. i am more than willing to have this one unrecorded and down the drain in a flash. so im probably not gonna talk about it here, but i just feel the need to do this JUST BECAUSE.

the world is now too heavy for me, is there abother one i can occupy? i was watching a movie last night, one of my korean guilty pleasures again, and on the opening scene, there was this conversation about leaving things when theyre already starting to get messed up. i did not actually pay attention to that particular scene until i typed it. well probably i did but just forgot about it, oh well. the guy said its okay to do that, but the girl disagreed. of course its stupid to leave things when youre tummy deep just because you suddenly felt like you dot want it already. but sometimes thats just not the case, what if the water's too hot or too cold for you to bear? what if there are barracudas and piranhas there and you have no vampire skin to protect you? like what if you just dont fit in that world? do you still have to stay?

there's so much swirling in my head that i feel like its a terrible terrible hangover. but i'd rather take the real hangover than this. i had one of my worst hangovers in baguio and what happened was, i stayed in bed for the whole day writhing in tummy ache and high with this irritating waves of nausea. not good.

it makes me feel guilty to be happy. i cannot feel anything except dread and headache. i keep asking why and no one's answering me.i know i dont deserve this, but i dont know how to turn the tables. i cant be in a world where people are so infectiously happy, theyre impotent to me and i hate it. maybe cutting them and cutting myself and mixing their blood with mine would help but i may not cut them and i just cut myself and just let me bleed to death so i can start again.

i know i dont deserve what's happening but i dont know how to stop it.

maybe it'll feel good to disappear. maybe it wont. i guess i dont want to disappear, what i want to disappear though is the thing that's happening right now. come on silver surfer, stop this mess.

another headache. shit.